Friday, June 30
Many of our readers have asked me what I think of the moves that the Boston Bruins have made so far. And by that I mean that both of you have asked me about the Bruins. Here you go:
1) RAYCROFT for RASK
Raycroft might not be done. It's been clear for a while that he's done in Boston, though. Last year he posted the worst GAA and SV% among goaltenders that played more than 25 games. Toivonen and Thomas were both much, much better than him, and it came down to a numbers game. Raycroft was battling injuries, had to adjust to smaller equipment, didn't play much during the lockout, and was one of Joe T's best buds. That might explain why he sucked so badly.
I think he'll be okay. Not great, but okay. Returning to his home province should help. I think he's a good pickup for TOR, and is definitely a better option than their other two goalies. I always liked the guy, and I'll miss him. The Boston Media was pretty brutal when writing about him last year, and he's the kind of guy who reads that stuff. Toronto's Media is even more brutal. Should be interesting to see how that works out.
Rask. Rask is awesome. Probably the best goalie in the World Juniors last year. Bruins scouts have said that the Bs had him listed #5 on their overall most wanted list when he was drafted. Dude's got 9 months or so of mandatory military service in Finland ahead of him. He won't be in Providence until at least the year after this one. He could be a star. He could also bomb.
Overall, I like his chances.
My perspective: Good trade for the B's. Possibly for both teams. I like it.
Fun fact: The Bruins now have 3 goalies with Finnish ties. Thomas played in Finland for years before making it back to the NHL, and he now mentors Toivonen. I like the Finnish goalie thing.
2) BOYNTON for MARA
Dude. Come on. Boynton wore his heart on his sleeve, and his balls on his forehead. And even with forehead balls, he still fought whenever he deemed it necessary. He's a great, gutsy guy, who played solidly in both ends. He takes tons of stupid penalties, but that's probably because of all the forehead testosterone. Because of his ball head and stuff. He was one of the few players last year who really seemed to give a shit. The guy hates losing, and I hate losing him.
Mara is good. I have no problems with Mara. He's certainly got more offensive skills than Boynton, but I question his defensive abilities and his heart. Normally I wouldn't question his heart, but compared to Nick Boynton, he's got no heart. Nick Boynton has balls in his heart. It's a medical condition.
6' 4", 220. That's a big dude. If I was 6'4", 220 lbs, you guys wouldn't even talk to me. It would be in your best interest not to - Because everytime you opened your mouths, I'd bodyslam you, just because I could. Nick Boynton would do the same. You'd be all, "Hey Nick," and then he'd smash you in your faces with his ball-fists. Later, he'd sign your jerseys, because he's like that. You gotta call that heart. Good guy, that Nick.
Just so you know, Paul Mara is the guy that is 6'4" 220. Boynton, at 6'2", 210 looks up to him. Still, Boynton could easily check Mara into the boards so hard that Mara would cry and pass out. When Mara woke up, Boynton would force him to read "Old Yeller" until he cried all over again. After Mara cried, Boynton would check him into the boards just to make a point. No one would know why Mara is crying now, but the commentators would say it has something to do with his heart. Towards the end of the game, Mara would score a powerplay goal. Good for him. Still doesn't change the fact that Boynton made you cry twice, Mara. Nick Boynton would then sign Mara's jersey.
I know Boynton was part of the Thornton crew, and the Bruins have guys like Alberts, Jurcina, and Mark Stuart to take care of the "defensive defenseman" thing, but I dunno about this. Nick is a jerk about contracts and such, but teams need a guy like him on the ice.
My perspective: Mara is a great D-guy. I'll miss Boynton anyway. You need guys like Boynton on your team. I'm not a fan of this trade.
Fun fact: In your body, red blood cells are shaped like little shallow bowls, and carry oxygen to various tissues. Nick Boynton's red blood cells are in the shape of tiny F-15 Eagles, and they carry teamwork and leadership to everyone. They sign jerseys on their way back to the atrium.
3) SULLIVAN OUT, LEWIS IN
Sullivan put together some of the most questionable D-pairings I have seen in a long while. He also made Brian Leetch play the kind of minutes only a 25 year-old should have to deal with. He was not a good coach last year. Granted, he didn't have a lot of good cards in his hand. Sucks to be a coach, because if you fuck up badly for one season, your goose is cooked.
Lewis is supposed to be a nice guy - a young player's coach. I've heard he lets the team police itself. Whatever. We'll see.
My perspective: Meh.
Fun fact: At his first press conference, Lewis had this to say: "I do not care for ze cats. Ze dogs zhey are superior. Deutchland uber alles!"
4) FUCKING KESSEL
I have to preface this by saying that I am incredibly excited about Phil Kessel being a Bruin. Not too long ago JP predicted that he would go first in the draft, even though his stock was falling. Phil Kessel might be the most offensively-gifted guy in this year's draft, but he worries me. He worries me, because of the parable of Don Sweeney.
Don Sweeney was a serviceable defenseman for the Bruins for years. After playing at Harvard, he was considered by many to be too small and too weak to play the game at a high level. Don Sweeney is 5' 3" and weighs 107 lbs. Or something close to that. Irregardibly, Don did what he needed to do. He played smart, skated hard, and never stopped working. After every Sweeney interview, you couldn't help but think that he was the embodiment of workinghardedness. Don Sweeney will never be in the Hall of Fame, but I'd feel priviledged to shake the man's tiny, tiny hand.
Kessel is the opposite of Don Sweeney. Did you see that slob at the draft? Two years ago he was listed at 5'10", 160. Now he's 6'0", 190. He doesn't seem much taller, but he sure seems fatter. He hates going to classes, he hates interviews, but apparently he loves him some cheeseburgers. I tivoed the draft, and when Kessel was walking up to the podium, he flicked what looked like a piece of a double-fudge brownie from under his jowls. He also comes across as one of those guys that thinks he deserves success. Worrisome.
This kid is boom or bust.
A lot of Bruins fans think he's going to play next year. Bergeron, Sturm and Kessel would have the two fastest wingers on the planet on one line, along with a great playmaker in Bergeron. Let's give him some time, though. I hope Kessel plays in Providence next year.
My perspective: I want to love this pick. I really do. Still, being a Bruins fan has made me cautious. Let's give the kid some time to play against pros. For the record, I was hoping for Backstrom.
Fun fact: During the draft I had Closed Captioning on. When Kessel says "I am excited to be a part of this organization..." Closed Captioning translates it as "Robble Robble".
"Good game guys. Let's go eat some pork rinds."
1) RAYCROFT for RASK
Raycroft might not be done. It's been clear for a while that he's done in Boston, though. Last year he posted the worst GAA and SV% among goaltenders that played more than 25 games. Toivonen and Thomas were both much, much better than him, and it came down to a numbers game. Raycroft was battling injuries, had to adjust to smaller equipment, didn't play much during the lockout, and was one of Joe T's best buds. That might explain why he sucked so badly.
I think he'll be okay. Not great, but okay. Returning to his home province should help. I think he's a good pickup for TOR, and is definitely a better option than their other two goalies. I always liked the guy, and I'll miss him. The Boston Media was pretty brutal when writing about him last year, and he's the kind of guy who reads that stuff. Toronto's Media is even more brutal. Should be interesting to see how that works out.
Rask. Rask is awesome. Probably the best goalie in the World Juniors last year. Bruins scouts have said that the Bs had him listed #5 on their overall most wanted list when he was drafted. Dude's got 9 months or so of mandatory military service in Finland ahead of him. He won't be in Providence until at least the year after this one. He could be a star. He could also bomb.
Overall, I like his chances.
My perspective: Good trade for the B's. Possibly for both teams. I like it.
Fun fact: The Bruins now have 3 goalies with Finnish ties. Thomas played in Finland for years before making it back to the NHL, and he now mentors Toivonen. I like the Finnish goalie thing.
2) BOYNTON for MARA
Dude. Come on. Boynton wore his heart on his sleeve, and his balls on his forehead. And even with forehead balls, he still fought whenever he deemed it necessary. He's a great, gutsy guy, who played solidly in both ends. He takes tons of stupid penalties, but that's probably because of all the forehead testosterone. Because of his ball head and stuff. He was one of the few players last year who really seemed to give a shit. The guy hates losing, and I hate losing him.
Mara is good. I have no problems with Mara. He's certainly got more offensive skills than Boynton, but I question his defensive abilities and his heart. Normally I wouldn't question his heart, but compared to Nick Boynton, he's got no heart. Nick Boynton has balls in his heart. It's a medical condition.
6' 4", 220. That's a big dude. If I was 6'4", 220 lbs, you guys wouldn't even talk to me. It would be in your best interest not to - Because everytime you opened your mouths, I'd bodyslam you, just because I could. Nick Boynton would do the same. You'd be all, "Hey Nick," and then he'd smash you in your faces with his ball-fists. Later, he'd sign your jerseys, because he's like that. You gotta call that heart. Good guy, that Nick.
Just so you know, Paul Mara is the guy that is 6'4" 220. Boynton, at 6'2", 210 looks up to him. Still, Boynton could easily check Mara into the boards so hard that Mara would cry and pass out. When Mara woke up, Boynton would force him to read "Old Yeller" until he cried all over again. After Mara cried, Boynton would check him into the boards just to make a point. No one would know why Mara is crying now, but the commentators would say it has something to do with his heart. Towards the end of the game, Mara would score a powerplay goal. Good for him. Still doesn't change the fact that Boynton made you cry twice, Mara. Nick Boynton would then sign Mara's jersey.
I know Boynton was part of the Thornton crew, and the Bruins have guys like Alberts, Jurcina, and Mark Stuart to take care of the "defensive defenseman" thing, but I dunno about this. Nick is a jerk about contracts and such, but teams need a guy like him on the ice.
My perspective: Mara is a great D-guy. I'll miss Boynton anyway. You need guys like Boynton on your team. I'm not a fan of this trade.
Fun fact: In your body, red blood cells are shaped like little shallow bowls, and carry oxygen to various tissues. Nick Boynton's red blood cells are in the shape of tiny F-15 Eagles, and they carry teamwork and leadership to everyone. They sign jerseys on their way back to the atrium.
3) SULLIVAN OUT, LEWIS IN
Sullivan put together some of the most questionable D-pairings I have seen in a long while. He also made Brian Leetch play the kind of minutes only a 25 year-old should have to deal with. He was not a good coach last year. Granted, he didn't have a lot of good cards in his hand. Sucks to be a coach, because if you fuck up badly for one season, your goose is cooked.
Lewis is supposed to be a nice guy - a young player's coach. I've heard he lets the team police itself. Whatever. We'll see.
My perspective: Meh.
Fun fact: At his first press conference, Lewis had this to say: "I do not care for ze cats. Ze dogs zhey are superior. Deutchland uber alles!"
4) FUCKING KESSEL
I have to preface this by saying that I am incredibly excited about Phil Kessel being a Bruin. Not too long ago JP predicted that he would go first in the draft, even though his stock was falling. Phil Kessel might be the most offensively-gifted guy in this year's draft, but he worries me. He worries me, because of the parable of Don Sweeney.
Don Sweeney was a serviceable defenseman for the Bruins for years. After playing at Harvard, he was considered by many to be too small and too weak to play the game at a high level. Don Sweeney is 5' 3" and weighs 107 lbs. Or something close to that. Irregardibly, Don did what he needed to do. He played smart, skated hard, and never stopped working. After every Sweeney interview, you couldn't help but think that he was the embodiment of workinghardedness. Don Sweeney will never be in the Hall of Fame, but I'd feel priviledged to shake the man's tiny, tiny hand.
Kessel is the opposite of Don Sweeney. Did you see that slob at the draft? Two years ago he was listed at 5'10", 160. Now he's 6'0", 190. He doesn't seem much taller, but he sure seems fatter. He hates going to classes, he hates interviews, but apparently he loves him some cheeseburgers. I tivoed the draft, and when Kessel was walking up to the podium, he flicked what looked like a piece of a double-fudge brownie from under his jowls. He also comes across as one of those guys that thinks he deserves success. Worrisome.
This kid is boom or bust.
A lot of Bruins fans think he's going to play next year. Bergeron, Sturm and Kessel would have the two fastest wingers on the planet on one line, along with a great playmaker in Bergeron. Let's give him some time, though. I hope Kessel plays in Providence next year.
My perspective: I want to love this pick. I really do. Still, being a Bruins fan has made me cautious. Let's give the kid some time to play against pros. For the record, I was hoping for Backstrom.
Fun fact: During the draft I had Closed Captioning on. When Kessel says "I am excited to be a part of this organization..." Closed Captioning translates it as "Robble Robble".
"Good game guys. Let's go eat some pork rinds."
I'm walking home one day and I'm watching some men build a new house. All of a sudden the guy hammering on the roof calls me a paranoid little weirdo. In Morse code.
- Emo Phillips
- Emo Phillips
Children are nice.
Thursday, June 29
Dude, how about them Red Sox? I'm actually enjoying watching baseball.
Coco Fucking Crisp.
Coco Fucking Crisp.
The Bruins have hired Dave "Hitler-Stache" Lewis to be their new coach. Marco Sturm will be thrilled.
My new favorite headline.
And this gem...
"I just e-mailed the MoD explaining my disgust at their latest UFO report," an Internet UFO forum member wrote, saying the Ministry was in denial.
And this gem...
"I just e-mailed the MoD explaining my disgust at their latest UFO report," an Internet UFO forum member wrote, saying the Ministry was in denial.
A trip down memory lane with the ten best video game weapons of all time.
Wednesday, June 28
They're asking for trouble if they schedule this for December, but it's impossible not to like the idea.
Monday, June 26
She's scared of pickles. And it's funny.
Friday, June 23
Gluttony suckling at the teats of aggression.
Dogs. Hitler. Think about it.
They're thinking about you.
A tiny baby slaps Hitler for looking at Mom's "schnauzers".
Hitler never made any pictures of cats. Dog Love is one step toward goose-stepping.
The 50 Worst Video Game Names.
I'm not sure if this has been on Yokels before, but if it has, apologies. Reading it again won't hurt you.
It's one man's story of WWII. When it started, he was 23. He surrendered 30 years later. The math sounds impossible until you read the story.
It's one man's story of WWII. When it started, he was 23. He surrendered 30 years later. The math sounds impossible until you read the story.
Wednesday, June 21
Dogs are better than cats (Reason #43,664).
Baby bento box. Yep.
An actual screenshot from my morning tour around the space news on the internet.
You know, China, land of the Rising Sun.
Tuesday, June 20
Ask a Japanese Person.
Friday, June 16
Thank You Internet!
If you're like me, the only thing you like more than cats is Hitler. Wouldn't it be great if there was a place where you could see cats that look like Hitler?
If you're like me, the only thing you like more than cats is Hitler. Wouldn't it be great if there was a place where you could see cats that look like Hitler?
NJ Bear News:
I'm not sure this one qualifies as "news". It's a bear in a hammock (story, slideshow, or video).
I'm not sure this one qualifies as "news". It's a bear in a hammock (story, slideshow, or video).
The donut was chocolate glazed and delicious.
Tuesday, June 13
This guy seems like kind of a dick, but the experiment is kind of ballsy.
Generally, I don't agree with issuing death threats, but...
Monday, June 12
The Aussie/Japan game was awesome. I won't post details just in case someone who looks in has this on their DVR waiting for them at home.
In other news, I got in late last night from my weekend trip to San Diego and I'm "working from home" today.
In other news, I got in late last night from my weekend trip to San Diego and I'm "working from home" today.
Saturday, June 10
Gilles Gratton, a former roommate of John Davidson, may have been the craziest goaltender ever.
Friday, June 9
Scroll halfway down for a footwarming story about Ryan Hollweg taking taking a piss on a fan at a bar. I apologize in advance for the awful puns in the article.
Gino the Ginny. Questionable spelling aside, I have no idea what's going on here, but I think I enjoyed it. Language NSFW.
George Washington fucked the shit out of bears.
Thursday, June 8
Ted Nolan is getting his shot. I hope he sucks.
Wednesday, June 7
Perfectly level flying is the goal of every scale model pilot.
Diet Coke and Mentos help recreate a, "Mint-powered version of the Bellagio Fountains in Las Vegas".
Nostradamus predicted this day would come.
Nostradamus predicted this day would come.
Tuesday, June 6
This is scary. Scroll all the way down. The last guy at the very bottom, John Holdzkom, is now a Mets prospect. He was selected in Round 4 today.
Monday, June 5
Thursday, June 1
McCabe signed. And other hockey news.
If the cap goes up $4 - $6 million over the next two or three years, will some of the larger contracts handed out last year suddenly seem a lot better (seing as they would be much smaller as a portion of team's total cap than they were before)?
If the cap goes up $4 - $6 million over the next two or three years, will some of the larger contracts handed out last year suddenly seem a lot better (seing as they would be much smaller as a portion of team's total cap than they were before)?
View My Stats