Thursday, March 31
I'm not going to go nuts writing up a whole living will or anything, but in light of today's much-publicized events, I want the following to be noted:
In the the event that I am ever to be found in a persistent vegetative state, I would like my closest friends to unplug me from whatever I'm attached to and take my almost lifeless body down to the banks of the Hudson River, where they will load me onto a raft that they have crafted from driftwood, discarded soda bottles, and whatever other detritus they can find. Then, after setting fire to the raft, they'll push my floating funeral pyre in the direction of the Financial District. After five or ten minutes of this Viking Funeral bullshit, everyone chugs a 16 ounce Coors Light. The mourners will then head off to play miniature golf, where anyone who accidentally putts a ball off the course gets called a "Crealese" for the rest of the night.
In the the event that I am ever to be found in a persistent vegetative state, I would like my closest friends to unplug me from whatever I'm attached to and take my almost lifeless body down to the banks of the Hudson River, where they will load me onto a raft that they have crafted from driftwood, discarded soda bottles, and whatever other detritus they can find. Then, after setting fire to the raft, they'll push my floating funeral pyre in the direction of the Financial District. After five or ten minutes of this Viking Funeral bullshit, everyone chugs a 16 ounce Coors Light. The mourners will then head off to play miniature golf, where anyone who accidentally putts a ball off the course gets called a "Crealese" for the rest of the night.
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