Tuesday, January 24
Don't know if you guys saw the Bruins play the Caps last night. Frankly, I'm not sure why you'd watch a game between two such awful teams, unless it was to watch "rookie phenom" (man, I hate that phrase) Alexander Ovechkin. If you decided to watch because of AO, you would have been sorely disappointed.
The Bruins have finally figured out how to stay competitive against teams with star players: Stick Axelsson on them. When they played the Rangers on Saturday, Axe was assigned to play against Jaromir Jagr. PJ managed to keep him off the board until the shootout, at which point it would have been awesome to see PJ get in the way of Jagr's shot, but I don't think the refs would have been cool with it.
Last night, Axe was assigned to shadow Ovechkin.
If you've watched a Caps game on OLN, you already know that about ten minutes before the game starts, the announcers begin talking about nothing but Ovechkin while masturbating furiously. "Ovechkin is on the ice... Just watch how smooth his strides are... It's hard to say which is more impressive: his charisma or his scoring prowess... Between his skating and hitting ability, Ovechkin is like a God - only deigning to touch the earth through the avatars of his steel blades, otherwise the very planet might split in twain... I saw Ovechkin in the lockerroom before the game today and his legs are like treetrunks - knotted and powerful, but with a silky smoothness to them that makes you think about how they'd feel wrapped around your head... One can't help but wonder if the inside of his thighs would feel more like iron girders wrapped in velveteen or two 48 oz beefsteaks wrapped in sandpaper... Oh. My. God... I think I'm gonna come." This is almost verbatim from last night's telecast. And it was during warm-ups. Hey, I like the guy too, but OLN takes it to another level.
Anyway, during the game Axelsson was on the ice EVERY time Ovechkin was. Coach Sullivan had his first great idea in quite some time. It was tough to implement because the Bruins (in an away game) didn't have the chance to match lines, so PJ spent most of the game perched on the boards like a freakish giant crow, ready to hop onto the ice as quickly as possible when the situation warranted it.
It's sometimes tough to see the big picture when you watch a game on TV, but it seemed like Axelsson was everywhere. As soon as they'd show a shot of Ovechkin with or near the puck, Axelsson would come flying out of nowhere to block a shot or deflect a pass. The whole game Ovechkin seemed like he had no idea where Axelsson was, and then all of the sudden a lanky Swede would materialize in front of him. Once I'm pretty sure Axelsson dropped from the Jumbotron like a goddamn ninja and stripped the puck from AO. The replay was kinda iffy, but I'm almost positive that's what happened.
I've been saying it for years, but PJ Axelsson is the most underrated defensive forward playing today. If they actually gave the Selke Award to the Best Defensive Forward in the Game instead of the Best Defensive Forward who also Scores Assloads of Points, Axelsson would get consideration every year.
But back to the topic at hand: Ovechkin was held to only two shots. PJ was on the ice about 50% more than his season average. The B's won.
The game itself was a lackluster affair, and to be honest, watching the Bruins (who really suck) play the Caps (who really, really suck when Ovechkin is neutralized) wouldn't have been much fun for me had the Bruins not won. The Bruins started strong, didn't have the skill to keep up the pressure, and were lucky to get the win. Most of the game was dull. But the battle between an amazing defensive forward and an amazing offensive forward was extremely entertaining.
At the end of it all, even the OLN announcers had started singing Axelsson's praises. By the unsure, surprised yet excited tones of their voices, you could easily imagine them realizing that maybe there was more to this game than just Alexander Ovechkin. You could almost see them masturbating to their new hero, PJ Axelsson, soon crying silent tears over their inability to get close to Ovechkin's massive yet sexy thighs - all the while jerking off into their wadded up pre-game programs as they prepared for the post-game wrapup.
Not that I imagined that, though. Well, I guess I just did when I wrote that. And now, so did you. Sorry about that.
The Bruins have finally figured out how to stay competitive against teams with star players: Stick Axelsson on them. When they played the Rangers on Saturday, Axe was assigned to play against Jaromir Jagr. PJ managed to keep him off the board until the shootout, at which point it would have been awesome to see PJ get in the way of Jagr's shot, but I don't think the refs would have been cool with it.
Last night, Axe was assigned to shadow Ovechkin.
If you've watched a Caps game on OLN, you already know that about ten minutes before the game starts, the announcers begin talking about nothing but Ovechkin while masturbating furiously. "Ovechkin is on the ice... Just watch how smooth his strides are... It's hard to say which is more impressive: his charisma or his scoring prowess... Between his skating and hitting ability, Ovechkin is like a God - only deigning to touch the earth through the avatars of his steel blades, otherwise the very planet might split in twain... I saw Ovechkin in the lockerroom before the game today and his legs are like treetrunks - knotted and powerful, but with a silky smoothness to them that makes you think about how they'd feel wrapped around your head... One can't help but wonder if the inside of his thighs would feel more like iron girders wrapped in velveteen or two 48 oz beefsteaks wrapped in sandpaper... Oh. My. God... I think I'm gonna come." This is almost verbatim from last night's telecast. And it was during warm-ups. Hey, I like the guy too, but OLN takes it to another level.
Anyway, during the game Axelsson was on the ice EVERY time Ovechkin was. Coach Sullivan had his first great idea in quite some time. It was tough to implement because the Bruins (in an away game) didn't have the chance to match lines, so PJ spent most of the game perched on the boards like a freakish giant crow, ready to hop onto the ice as quickly as possible when the situation warranted it.
It's sometimes tough to see the big picture when you watch a game on TV, but it seemed like Axelsson was everywhere. As soon as they'd show a shot of Ovechkin with or near the puck, Axelsson would come flying out of nowhere to block a shot or deflect a pass. The whole game Ovechkin seemed like he had no idea where Axelsson was, and then all of the sudden a lanky Swede would materialize in front of him. Once I'm pretty sure Axelsson dropped from the Jumbotron like a goddamn ninja and stripped the puck from AO. The replay was kinda iffy, but I'm almost positive that's what happened.
I've been saying it for years, but PJ Axelsson is the most underrated defensive forward playing today. If they actually gave the Selke Award to the Best Defensive Forward in the Game instead of the Best Defensive Forward who also Scores Assloads of Points, Axelsson would get consideration every year.
But back to the topic at hand: Ovechkin was held to only two shots. PJ was on the ice about 50% more than his season average. The B's won.
The game itself was a lackluster affair, and to be honest, watching the Bruins (who really suck) play the Caps (who really, really suck when Ovechkin is neutralized) wouldn't have been much fun for me had the Bruins not won. The Bruins started strong, didn't have the skill to keep up the pressure, and were lucky to get the win. Most of the game was dull. But the battle between an amazing defensive forward and an amazing offensive forward was extremely entertaining.
At the end of it all, even the OLN announcers had started singing Axelsson's praises. By the unsure, surprised yet excited tones of their voices, you could easily imagine them realizing that maybe there was more to this game than just Alexander Ovechkin. You could almost see them masturbating to their new hero, PJ Axelsson, soon crying silent tears over their inability to get close to Ovechkin's massive yet sexy thighs - all the while jerking off into their wadded up pre-game programs as they prepared for the post-game wrapup.
Not that I imagined that, though. Well, I guess I just did when I wrote that. And now, so did you. Sorry about that.
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