Friday, January 5
New superstitions for 2007:
1) Whenever you see a midget in real life, you get to make a wish. You can't wish for more midgets.
2) If you break a mirror, you should probably lay off the booze for a few days.
3) Two-headed kittens are the new four-leaf clovers. Keep 'em in your wallet for good luck.
4) If you spill salt at the table: Whatever, man. Salt costs a dollar for two pounds or something. Just wait until no one is looking and sweep it onto the floor with your hand. Swiffer in the morning.
5) When you drive past a cemetary, hold your breath. Keep holding it until you reach your destination or you pass out.
6) Walking under a ladder means you're kind of a dick. It's like three steps out of your way to go around the thing. No need to make everyone nervous.
7) Opening an umbrella indoors will cause a black cat to walk across your path. That's bad luck. If the black cat has two heads, that's good luck (see number 3 above). 50/50, maybe? Opening an umbrella indoors is a gamble.
8) "See a penny, pick it up, and all day long, you'll be a Jew."
9) Knock on wood whenever you see anything wooden. Tables, table legs, wooden legs, acting performances, etc.
10) If you say "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary" while looking in the mirror at midnight, your dead grandfather will appear behind you and shake his head slowly side to side, because you are a complete embarassment to this family.
1) Whenever you see a midget in real life, you get to make a wish. You can't wish for more midgets.
2) If you break a mirror, you should probably lay off the booze for a few days.
3) Two-headed kittens are the new four-leaf clovers. Keep 'em in your wallet for good luck.
4) If you spill salt at the table: Whatever, man. Salt costs a dollar for two pounds or something. Just wait until no one is looking and sweep it onto the floor with your hand. Swiffer in the morning.
5) When you drive past a cemetary, hold your breath. Keep holding it until you reach your destination or you pass out.
6) Walking under a ladder means you're kind of a dick. It's like three steps out of your way to go around the thing. No need to make everyone nervous.
7) Opening an umbrella indoors will cause a black cat to walk across your path. That's bad luck. If the black cat has two heads, that's good luck (see number 3 above). 50/50, maybe? Opening an umbrella indoors is a gamble.
8) "See a penny, pick it up, and all day long, you'll be a Jew."
9) Knock on wood whenever you see anything wooden. Tables, table legs, wooden legs, acting performances, etc.
10) If you say "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary" while looking in the mirror at midnight, your dead grandfather will appear behind you and shake his head slowly side to side, because you are a complete embarassment to this family.
View My Stats