Yokels

A rather dark and dreary look at the Leafs.

I have no fucking clue what this video is all about. All I know is that it rocks.

On Friday I went to the library, and they were total dicks about giving me a library card.
I showed them my license, which should be proof that I'm a resident, but this old guy wanted to see my
lease or a utility bill as well. I was like, "What? My address is on the license, jerkass." And then the
old guy was all like, "We don't use that kind of language in the Hoboken Library, young man." And so I
go, "Whatever, Old Guy. You're just jealous because I'm King Ding-a-ling. All sitting on my throne eating
beefaroni sandwiches and shit." And then I stormed out, strutting like I'm the cock-of-the-walk. Which I
am.

Books. Who needs 'em anyway? Laura gave me herpes for my birthday. Err... not herpes. What's the word? Gift Certificate. Yeah, a gift certificate to Barnes & Noble's. So I can still buy books if I need them. There's nothing in books that you can't learn from watching Oprah anyway. Tons and tons of Oprah.

"I know what Joe Gibbs coming back is about. Over the next few years, special stuff is going to happen here."

I want the Horseradish Man action figure. Alas, despite repeated inquiries they have not replied to my requests.

I saw this in the in-flight magazine on my trip... What a world.

I'm reminded of a wise man who once said, "When all the scientist have ten inch shlongs, a cancer cure will soon follow." I forget who the wise man was, but it was probably one of you guys.

These are suggestions, not rules, dipshits.

Take that, you motherfucking penguin! Click to make the penguin drop, click again to smack the fuck out of him with the bat. It's time we taught those flightless little jerks a lesson.

"Travis Green is widely recognized as one of the best faceoff men in the league - a reputation illustrated by his performance during the last two games.

Green has won 26-of-34 faceoffs over that span, for an incredible 76 percent success rate."

Damn.

"Forget about your protests over canned tuna and high gas prices. Boycott the NHL. Hockey is totally out of control, what with its thuggery and fisticuffs. We are a non-violent country, unlike those blood-thirsty heathens from Canada, and hockey must be stopped before it ruins our society. America's sports are peaceful. We would never have an incident like the one between Todd Bertuzzi and Steve Moore. Would you ever see a football player do something like deck a teammate in practice and break his jaw? I don't think so."

A little late, but still a good read.

The Rodent answers our questions about the hockey lottery.

Wrong branch and wrong base, but I wish I was a kid again so I could go to this.

A fairly entertaining and complete report from a guy who interviewed with the NSA. Reminded me of the story of Blayney's parents' friend from Thanksgiving.

No fucking way any of us could pass that thing.

Seriously, the world has gone bat shit. We have this from some loon job now seated as the European Commission President. His name is Romano Prodi.

"It is clear that using force is not the answer to resolving the conflict with terrorists," Prodi said. "Terrorism is infinitely more powerful than a year ago," and all of Europe now feels threatened, he told the paper.

It's only more powerful because of you, dipshit. I imagine a world where this guy has his way. He's desperately trying to integrete backwoods, middle-ages ideology into our world. He's having some sweet discussions with butchers, giving raving lunatics (back) their own nations and allowing for the murder of kids and their parents to be a voice in international politics. Who is this clown? Who is this stern warrior, just itching to pick up and run? He runs Europe.

There was a vote in Spain a few days ago and a lot has been said about it. The one thing that I know for sure is that two main groups voted. And oddly, they voted for the same thing. One group, the Spanish, went to polling places and cast ballots. The other decided that the only thing they could do was to place bombs where they would kill moms and dads and inflict fear. People died. And not soldiers with personal choices on their shoulders, but students with backpacks and grandmothers with knitting bags, kids with bright smiles and brothers who wouldn't let you get hurt if they could do anything to prevent it. This is their way. They kill people. That's how they get what they want. Hell, that is what they want. That, and the inevitable cowering that follows.

But Mr. President of Europe tells us we shouldn't fight them with every fiber of our being. Actually, we shouldn't even fight them with force at all, he says. See, 'Look at these dead people,' it isn't working at all. Clearly, we're doing something wrong. We need discussions and empathy so we can reason this out with highly irrational people. We tried fighting and they hit back and now it hurts. It's time to have a sit-down with our enemy and figure out what they want. No one is quite sure, but it has something to do with blood, it's Jew free, and freedom takes a back-seat to violently-warped religous beliefs. Whatever it is, we shouldn't fight with them over it. We should just give them something and make them go away.

And next time they want something we should hope we're not on the wrong train.

What the fuck? France is joining China in an effort to intimidate democracy? Seriously, I'm so fucking confused.

I'm taking Wednesday off. I'm going to the DMV to get a non-driver ID. On my return, I'm also getting wasted. If you're not doing something on Wednesday, plan on celebrating my return to the grid with some beers and afternoon video games.

Congress should be required to prepare their own taxes. Awesome idea.

The Japs are still crazy. Russian Roulette for kids.

Remember the music when Ferris is running home? The part where he jumps on the trampoline? It's called "March of the Swivelheads" by the English Beat. I want it. Kazaa can't help me. 200 imaginary dollars to anyone who can find it as an mp3.

Yes, this is what unemployed people do. Little help? Bueller?

If you get to this site prior to the Bertuzzi ruling, place your bet.

I say 40 games.

Eatbabies.com. The intro song made it for me. Send it to your moms.

Francis is a Leaf, but he ain't playing yet. Stajan's back though, and he and Nolan are rolling.

In bad news, I'm hitchin' a ride with this bandwagon. My favorite dude's there. That's enough, but they're also really damn fun to watch. They crunch people, they cycle, they sustain brilliant skill over shift-long chunks. They do a little bit of everything. It's just plain fun to watch.

A related note: Bryan Marchment's nose.

And this one if for you two: The Bruins trade Jeff Jillson to San Jose for Brad Boyes. Brad Boyes was the prospect the Leafs shipped to the Sharks for Nolan. Note - Jillson was then traded to Buffalo for Curtis Brown.

In Ranger news: Umberger. Umberger. Umberger.

I don't know what Colorado is thinking. Salo?

I read the Federal Budget last year, or at least a lot of it. And while news stories tend to point out some of the obvious pork, you miss the forest when you look at the trees of the crazy spending going on. Not to follow that by pointing to more trees, but...

The Federal government is funding the Alaskan celebration of their statehood, for example. We're paying $150,000 for a single traffic light in Briarcliff Manor, New York (An expenisve place to live, but jeez.) We're helping to build a rainforest in Iowa. We're paying for a Neveda Senator's guilty conscience because, "He reasons, everybody else in Congress does it."

At least he's honest, the fucking dickwad.

Oh, and then there is this cherry from the Heritage Foundation, "The U.S. General Accounting Office refuses to certify the federal governments own accounting books because the bookkeeping is so poor. Eighteen of the 26 departments and major agencies received the lowest possible rating for their financial management, meaning that auditors cannot even express an opinion on their financial statements. The federal government made $20 billion in overpayments in 2001."

And they cannot account for $17.1 billion spent in 2002. Doh!

The Northern Lights: See cool photos here. And click along the right side for even more. (From the folks at MeFi.)

I guess Messier isn't going anywhere, but it sure sounds like he's retiring. I'll believe it when I see it.

"Barnaby, LW Martin Rucinsky and D Greg de Vries are expected to be dealt before tomorrow's 3 p.m. deadline."

If you're reading this, welcome back.

Swing by if you're up for beers, hockey and jet lag.

Nice story. It's from Stars and Stripes so you're supposed to come away feeling good. It worked.

If you have some spare change, I'm willing to be it would make a difference.

I'll be home tomorrow.

Monday, Portis said he received myriad calls from other NFL players who expressed their desire to play for the Redskins.

"I probably got 100 phone calls," said Portis, who will turn 23 shortly before the season opener. "They said: 'Man, tell them to come get me.' "

Gibbs interjected, only half-jokingly, "What's their number?"

Motorcycling near Chernobyl. (With pics.)

1999


2001

I have no idea what world these people are living in. 4.1% growth should not be preceded by "only" and it certainly should not be painted in a negative light.

Although the fourth-quarter pace was slower than the breakneck 8.2 percent growth rate registered in the third quarter, the economy's performance in the second half of last year represented the fastest back-to-back quarterly increases since the first two quarters of 1984. They also exceeded expectations.

See for yourself how 4.1% stacks up, but if you don't click, rest assured that it's just about perfect.

The sky isn't falling, no matter how much people tell you otherwise.

From Q and O.

A report from defectors leaving North Korea.

Dinner?

Around the country over the summer, the Coast Guard will demostrate their Search & Rescue techniques and abilities for crowds at summer fairs and other big events. When they put on the show in the past, my Dad would always explain that he didn't like them because they didn't show an accurate picture of what these people do. During the demonstation, it's usually calm, with low winds, with no waves and certainly no fire, no fumes and no oil.

A fighter to keep an eye on.