Yokels

Hey Mike, if you Canadians want to go ahead and annex Minnesota, I will not shed a tear. File this one under, "Are you fucking kidding me?!?"

Hockeybird noticed the same thing I did about the comment sections under the TSN article announcing the Jan and Martin signings. I know it's nuts to get mad at those idiot commentors, but well, they're idiots! The first twenty messages all said basically the same thing, "There go the Rangers buying up talent again". What the Rangers actually did is pony up a million each for third-line guys with modest talent. This is a far cry from the spending sprees of years past... Or the spending of other teams this year. In fact, the only signing of consequence this year was DeVries, given that Leetch is a Ranger and was never going anywhere.

The Rangers will not have the highest payroll in the league this year, but I don't expect any of the haters out there to care about that. Quit hating.

catch this fucker

El Senor, Jose Reyes had a helluva night against the Braves last night. He provided all of the offense becoming the youngest MLBer in the modern era to homer from both sides of the plate in a single game. Additionally, he made some stellar plays in the field, helping Al Lieter (a man old enough to be his father) maintain his one hitter through seven innings. It's made all the better because it came against the Braves. It also pulled the Mets to 10 1/2 games back in the wildcard race. Yes, I know it's insane to put it like that, but I thought it was worth mentioning because even that seemed so improbable just a few short months ago. El Senor is going to be a star.

Finally one of my teams appears to be rebuilding properly. I just hope they don't go screwing it up with their checkbook this offseason.

what's with that? it makes me really wonder about what is motivating the story.

no go for sonar

That observation has been a gripe of mine ever since this holy war started after 9/11. Welcome to Crusades II:Revenge of the Jihad All-Stars

You're fired.

You live next door to a clean-cut, quiet guy. He never plays loud
music or throws raucous parties. He doesn't gossip over the
fence, just smiles politely and offers you some tomatoes. His
lawn is cared-for, his house is neat as a pin and you get the
feeling he doesn't always lock his front door. He wears
Dockers. You hardly know he's there. And then one day you
discover that he has pot in his basement, spends his weekends
at peace marches and that guy you've seen mowing the yard
is his spouse.

Allow me to introduce Canada.

The Canadians are so quiet that you may have forgotten they're
up there, but they've been busy doing some surprising things.
It's like discovering that the mice you are dimly aware of in your
attic have been building an espresso machine.

Did you realize, for example, that our reliable little tag-along
brother never joined the Coalition of the Willing? Canada
wasn't willing, as it turns out, to join the fun in Iraq. I can
only assume American diner menus weren't angrily changed
to include "freedom bacon," because nobody here eats the
stuff anyway.

And then there's the wild drug situation: Canadian doctors are
authorized to dispense medical marijuana. Parliament is
considering legislation that would not exactly legalize marijuana
possession, as you may have heard, but would reduce the
penalty for possession of under 15 grams to a fine, like a
speeding ticket. This is to allow law enforcement to concentrate
resources on traffickers; if your garden is full of wasps, it's
smarter to go for the nest rather than trying to swat every
individual bug. Or, in the United States, bong. Now, here's the
part that I, as an American, can't understand. These poor
benighted pinkos are doing everything wrong. They have a
drug problem: Marijuana offenses have doubled since 1991.
And Canada has strict gun control laws, which means that the
criminals must all be heavily armed, the law-abiding civilians
helpless and the government on the verge of a massive confiscation
campaign.(The laws have been in place since the '70s, but I'm
sure the government will get around to the confiscation eventually.)

They don't even have a death penalty!

And yet ... nationally, overall crime in Canada has been
declining since 1991. Violent crimes fell 13 percent in
2002. Of course, there are still crimes committed with
guns -- brought in from the UnitedStates, which has
become the major illegal weapons supplier for all of
North America -- but my theory is that the surge in pot-
smoking has rendered most criminals too relaxed to
commit violentcrimes. They're probably more focused
on shoplifting boxes of Ho-Hos from convenience stores.

And then there's the most reckless move of all: Just
last month, Canada decided to allow and recognize
same-sex marriages. Merciful moose, what can they
be thinking? Will there be married Mounties (they
always get their man!)? Dudley Do-Right was sweet
on Nell, not Mel! We must be the only ones who really
care about families. Not enough to make sure they
all have health insurance, of course, but more than
those libertines up north.

This sort of behavior is a clear and present danger
to all ourstereotypes about Canada. It's supposed
to be a cold, wholesome country of polite, beer-drinking
hockey players, not founded by freedom-fighters
in a bloody revolution but quietly assembled by loyalists
and royalists moreinterested in order and good
government than liberty and independence.

But if we are the rugged individualists, why do we
spend so much of our time trying to get everyone to
march in lockstep? And if Canadians are so reserved
and moderate, why are they so progressive about
letting people do what they want to?

Canadians are, as a nation, less religious than we
are, according to polls. As a result, Canada's government
isn't influenced by large, well-organized religious groups
and thus has more in common with those of Scandinavia
than those of the United States, or, say, Iran.

Canada signed the Kyoto global warming treaty, lets
19-year-olds drink,has more of its population living in
urban areas and accepts more immigrants per capita than
the United States.

These are all things we've been told will wreck our society.
But I guess Canadians are different, because theirs
seems oddly sound.

Like teenagers, we fiercely idolize individual freedom
but really demand that everyone be the same. But the
Canadians seem more adult -- more secure. They
aren't afraid of foreigners. They aren't afraid of
homosexuality. Most of all, they're not afraid of each other.
I wonder if America will ever be that cool.

Noel Dattrino
CI Sales & Marketing
Toll Free 1-800-665-6994
Fax 604-681-3367

German toilets.

tummy?

Who to kill? I just got Jabba the Hutt or Donald Rumsfield. I picked Rummy, but it wasn't easy. Kiss your day goodbye.

My sis forwarded this to me. I'm glad to see Paul Newman cracking wise at FOX's expense.

Iraq stuff. I found the comparisons enlightening.

Here is a whale blowing ass. You're welcome.

and what a great follow up story this is.

Thanks Niagara Mohawk, for ending my day early, and ruining my evening.

According to these figures, the lesser known members of the coalition of the willing numbers approx. 10,000 from 17 different countries. That's 588.235 persons per country. The remaining bulk of the coalition of the willing consists of 139,000 U.S. troops, and 21,000 Brits.

Propoganda! Now with 75% more 'cool'.

Cujo a Bruin? That might be a great move....depending on who that have to give up.

hey, where did the comments gooooooooo?

btw, onion headline of the week:

Seven-Foot-High Grammatical Error Displayed Next To Car Dealer's Head

i had no idea this was a medical term.

Bow before me, puny mortals!!!!

those damn canadians!

A guy after my own heart. NYTimes OP-Ed Herbert.

Funny, but brought too far at the end. Don't check this out at work. But do check it out. Making fun of webcam tools is funny.

Oh Jesus - part 2.

Hey Madden - watch your back, picha! Sega is putting out an NFL game with the ESPN name on it. Sure, it's just a renaming of Sega's 2kwhatever games, but it looks like they're packing the games with all new stuff, including commentary from ESPN guys of course.

What the fuck?

Movie, safe for work, but not for your faith in humanity

"Goaltending is a normal job? Sure! How would you like it in your job if every time you made a small mistake, a red light went on over your desk, and 15,000 people stood up and yelled at you?"
- Jacques Plante

space porn. i like.

I guess the U.S. is ok too....and Cusack is the man.

good luck SB.

on a different note, please define your terms. How is one expected to understand what one means by 'have' without a predetermined meaning?

Right now, JP is wearing a suit. Weird.

Queensryche sucks, but this is cool. Yeah, it's sappy and a bit over-the-top, but still.
From Mefi

You know that feeling when you get a new CD and you finally manage to get the cellophane wrapper off and you're excited to hear it and you're ready to pop it into your CD player? You probably had to use a knife or a pen or some nail clippers to work it open, but you got the job done, God dammit! Then you realize there's a sticker on top with the band's name and the album name that keeps you from opening it. God dammit! Lucky for you, there's a tab that says "pull here". Go ahead, pull it. Go ahead. God dammit! Where'd I put that knife?

Yeah, pretty funny, Amazon.com. Pretty funny.

Probably one of the quickest ways to lose your faith in the future of humanity is to sit in on a discussion of ethics in an Investment Banking training class.

a cool series.....

value of a nutter

ha-ha

Here are some truly bad jokes. Strangely addictive.

An open letter to Athsma.

Practice pays off, I guess. Least he's winning something.

George Hincapie's blog. It's late, but still fun to read back.

"He had his own prison... He had his own prison."

(Check the video. It's disturbing, but not unwatchable.)

Dumbest kid.

Hey McGovern, post that college review shit.

ESPN has an NHL arbitration scoresheet. Just so you know.

When I have money, we should do this. Okay, we probably shouldn't. It's a terrible idea. Horrible. Not good. Baaaaad. But we should.

No monkey, but this is still fun.

(From memepool)

Okay, this might be important or something, but I didn't get by the first sentence. Did Saddam really name his daughter Raghad?

On the label of a bottle of Snapple Fruit Punch, it says "Hey, let us know what you think about Snapple! Send any questions or comments to:
Snapple Beverage Corp.
709 Weschester Avenue
White Plains, NY 10604"

So I just sent them a letter that says, "Hey, you want to know what I think about Snapple? I think Snapple licks balls.

Sincerely,
Alan Linquist"

The Museum of Nerd Watches.
The Museum of Coat Hangers.
The Gallery of Stove Burners.
The Museum of Submarine Telegraphy.
The Museum of Pantyhose Packaging.

All found at The Museum of Online Museums, of course.

More on The Man, this time from ESPN. Somehow they left out the shotgun story.

Typing monkey. I love this crap.

"Stray camels are responsible for taking the lives of many Saudi drivers along our roads," he said and added that severe punishment should be imposed on the owners of stray camels."