Yokels

Red Line Sports Hockey Blog.

Nothing to do with Red Line, but I was looking at the Boston Forwards today, and the lines will probably be something like:

Glen Murray - Joe Thornton - Brad Isbister
Sergei Samsonov - Alexei Zhamnov - Patrice Bergeron
PJ Axelsson - Dave Scatchard - Shawn McEachern
Tom Fitzgerald - Travis Green - Brad Boyes

Maybe this is homerism (and it probably is) but is that a ridiculous lineup or what? The first line is good, but the second line should be one of the best second lines in the NHL. The creativity on that line is going to be retarded. RETARDED.

Yokels Fantasy Football Draft tonight at Sully's. Be there.

How much money would you need to be paid to kill a puppy with your bare hands? Great comedy here.

QT embedded movie.

Sully the Waters
The Furious Nerds
Touched by an Uncle
Clubbed by an Angel
Witless
Couchfort
One over the Eight
Carentan
Particle Board

Ninja, I'm not trying to trivialize Barilko's death or anything, but you can't post something like this without expecting Orr's 1970 overtime Stanley Cup winning goal to show up here.

By the way, here's a ridiculous trubute to Orr from ESPN Classic. So you never saw him play? Me neither. Read this article, and try not to respect the guy.

I can't wait for hockey.

Very impressive ocean photography.

Can someone check my math?

TV + Cable box + Tivo + Modem + Router + Vonage Router + Phone = Blown fuse.

We fixed it, but it blew again even after turning off the fans, lights, iron, and AC. And the second time it went out we couldn't get it back on. We slept in the dark. And still no solution in site. Hopefully the landlord can figure it out today.

On the plus side, it is possible to connect your Tivo even when you have a Vonage line (The ",#401" prefix works perfectly). It went from box to pause-play-record in under 2 hours. And between blown fuses I was able to slo-mo replay Jose Reyes going yard in Arizona.

It's that beautiful time of year when the Cryptkeeper's thoughts turn to those of romance.


From a lovely train wreck of an article at SomethingAwful.

A terrific letter to Terrell Owens.

Via Offwing.

People's Energy adds an ugly middle name to some guy's utility bill. JP, this is the article I was laughing about today during the move. The first part is mildly amusing, but that Jefferoy Barnes thing kills me.

Writing tips from the Economist. Good stuff for people who need to send e-mails to English speakers at work. My mom always insisted that "the fact that" should never be used in a sentence.

If you are face to face with a supervillian and he wants you to do something you don't want to do, never say "Over my dead body." Villians always have a comeback for that one.

We have offically been out-yokeled. It's not even a contest. You must watch this.

The Smell In Room 19
Cloning Gary Coleman
Base Rates

Here is the latest from John Buccigross. He breaks down the East so far. On the Rangers, he writes...

Trade Jaromir Jagr now. This team is in that might-kind-of-barely-make-the-playoffs-and-draft-ninth-overall-forever mode. Clear cap space, develop players who want to be Rangers, hope you win next year's ping-pong ball contest, draft Kessel, and let Joe Thornton and Vincent Lecavalier's people covertly know that huge money and term years await these Broadway-bound darlings next summer. Does Glen Sather even think this way? Or is he thinking about his next cigar and next fishing expedition? Martin Straka? Are you kidding me?

He's wrong on a couple levels here, but what gets me is that he contradicts himself in the midst of all the bashing.

First problem: You don't trade Jagr now. The value of big-name players could not be lower. This is evidenced by the recent trades that have brought back conditional picks for All-Stars. Wait until February and someone will pony up a few prospects or at least more than a 3rd rounder for a chance at a Cup run with JJ.

His next idea is to clear cap space, don't make big splashes, and then... wait for it... Make big splashes next year. I'll start off by saying that I think this is idiotic. It's akin to saying, "Don't repeat your mistakes this year, wait until 2006 be dumb again."

But more importantly, Buccigross is recommending the EXACT course of action the Rangers have actually taken, and he's managed to do this in an article chastising they for the course of action they've taken.

Think about it for a minute. If your the Rangers and you've bought out Holik, let Leetch and the old guard go, skipped the Forsgberg and Naslund chase, signed slightly above-average players to one-year deals, and left about a half-dozen slots on your team open for rookies... Are you really doing anything other than re-building and waiting for next year? Does Buccigross truly think Sather was trying to round out a cup champion or make a NYC splash by signing Martin Straka to a one year deal?

It just seems to me Buccigross is looking to bash the blueshirts here. Otherwise I can't figure out why he's taking them to task for doing exactly what he recommends.

I interviewed at Morgan Stanley this morning. As I was being walked out of the 90 minute interview, I was told I was a "strong candidate." Normally this would be encouraging, but I think she just said that because halfway through the interview I got all nervous and hucked an ergonomic chair through an office window. It doesn't really take a "strong" guy to throw a chair, but whatever.

I can never tell how I've done in interviews.

Over at SpoFi you'll see a post indicating that Comcast is aiming for NHL broadcast rights. They would show the games on "Comcast-owned" OLN. This solves a longstanding for me. It explains why OLN is not available on Cablevision.

Thankfully, I'm moving to a Comcast area... (words I never expected to type, I assure you).

The bluegrass cover of Gin and Juice is up at Yokelsmusic on the Xmail site. Use Sully's password.

I just received the following in my inbox:

"Dear Jesus,

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you and your family an enjoyable Summer.

Now that we are in the third quarter of 2005, many organizations have begun to prepare their strategic plans for 2006. In the past, many of these companies have found it valuable to speak with Caliper as part of this planning process. This gives us time to better understand their business, as well as their plans for the upcoming year, and discuss how Caliper's services can assist them with meeting their objectives. I have attached "Caliper At A Glance" to familiarize you with the scope of our services...."

Apparently when I was looking up the caliper test at DP, I registered at their site with the name Jesus. Forgot about that.

One year of unnnecessary censorship from Jimmy Kimmel.

JP asked me some questions about the salary cap in the NHL that I had no answers to tonight. I've been researching them, but got sidetracked because there's there something we haven't considered yet. I'm not sure how this would work in the new CBA, but I think restricted free agents could be had for minor money right now.

With RFAs, one team basically owns a player, because they can't be signed by another team without compensation (based on the salary of the player). Also, the team who owns the rights to the player in question has the right to match the salary of the team who wants to buy them. Right? Sorry if I'm going fast or not being completely clear here, but I'm excited and tipsy.

So here's the thing: What if a team that hasn't spent close to the cap (like the Rangers, JP) decides to go after a good but cheap RFA from a team that is already close to the cap max? The team close to the max either has to match the offer (risking going over the cap) or they let the RFA go.

Basically, GMs could look at any team that is close to the cap and offer a little bit more for their RFAs and the cap-skirting teams would be SOL. The teams that lost a player would be awarded compensatory picks for the deal, but it would be related to the salary that the player signed for. If you're a team that has lots of cap room right now, you would look for RFA bargains, and steal them from teams that couldn't match your offers.

In Peekaboom, one player reveals an image and gives hints while the other tries to guess what the password is. Its a bit like pictionary, in a way. The whole thing is timed, and you have no idea who your partner is, but you both need to work together to do well. No email resgistration required.

Leetch is a Bruin. Good for him. And them I guess.

He's still my favorite player ever. Good luck to him.

And I'm happy as shit that the Rangers haven't done anything yet. How cool is that?!? My team is re-building. For real. Woo-hoo!

Does anyone know the details of the NHL agreement? Are contracts guaranteed or can players be cut? If a player gets cut, is the team charged (against the cap) for any percentage of that players salary?

I'm trying to figure out if this is going to be like the NBA where one false move can cripple a team for years (see Allan Houston/New York Knicks).

Okay, so maybe the Scatchard signing is a good thing. He's a much better third line center than we have right now after the departure of Rolston, and means that either Boyes or Bergeron gets bumped up to one of the first two lines. That's a good thing. Boyes should probably be a center, but Bergeron can play any forward position, and both will be productive players.

Also, this means the Bruins forwards are a bunch of giants right now. Add up Thornton, Murray, Scatchard, Isbister, and probable fourth-liner Colton Orr (no relation), and you have well more than a half ton of hockey players. Not one of these guys weighs less than 220 lbs. Not one of their lines will be without a physical presence. Big bad Bruins, right?

The Bruins look good as far as forwards go, but they need some help on D. The good news is that they only need one more forward and a couple of D guys, and their goalies are super-solid. No matter what - even if they're hideous on defence - this will be a fun team to watch.

I'm pleased.

"Monday August 01, the 2005 - (RDS.ca) - player of center high-speed motorboat and autonomous player, Mike Modano, received three offers of teams of the national League. Modano is currently in reflexion in order to decide where it will continue its career. Thrashers of Atlanta, Penguins de Pittsburgh and Bruins of Boston would be in the race. But the fellow-member Renaud Lavoie learned that all indicates that Bruins would be in the test card of Modano and that an advertisement could be made as of Tuesday."

Yes, it's a French-Canadian website, and this translation was all I could do with Altavista.

It's from RDS.ca, and I'm trying to find out if this is a reputable website or not, but in the meantime I'm going to enjoy the fact that the Bruins of Boston might land Modano, even if his career is slowing down. Modano is much better than Lindros, and any team would be happy to have him anchoring the second line. I hope his reflexion goes well.

I would also like to add that I am a high-speed motorboat.

I've always thought - when I've thought about such things - that being in an office with shitloads of Asian chicks would be ideal. In some ways, it is. Our office is remarkably casual, and the outfits I see each day surprise and delight me. I try to keep the ogling to a minimum, stealing glances here and there when I get a chance, but I've quietly managed to build up a decent creepy blueprint of the bodies of each of the girls on my floor. After extensive furtive research, I can tell you with 75% surety who wears a thong and who doesn't. (You'll be disappointed to learn that most favor old-school grandma-style undergarments.) I dig the legs and shoes, too. Strappy open toed high-heel sandals? Apparently, that's work attire. West:0, East:1. I might be developing a foot fetish. My point is that the eye-candy is a nice bonus.

That being said, one thing I should have tacked on to my Asian Office Fantasy should have been the stipulation that the Asian chicks in question can speak English well, and speak it at all times. There's nothing more dispiriting than asking a cute girl how her weekend was, and then not having any follow-up to her response because it takes a solid ten seconds to translate whatever argle-bargle has just come out of her mouth. Most of the small talk I've taken part in at the office involves me asking a breezy question and receiving an unintelligible answer, followed by a long silence. Eventually I say something like "Huh. How 'bout that" and then I shuffle my feet while I wait for the elevator doors to open.