Friday, October 28
Okay, so here's how it happened:
I was on my way home from work, standing at the Harborside Financial light rail platform with about 90 other people, all waiting for a train. If you've ever been on the light rail, you know the maximum capacity is somewhere near 91, maybe 92 people per car, and there's only two cars per train. With that many people waiting for a train at one station, you just gotta know there's a problem with the service. I'm done with work for the day, and I'm pretty much just happy to be going home. I decide to wait. Fuck it - I'm game, right?
...
So twenty minutes later, the platform is packed. PACKED. Sardines and all. Any train that comes along is going to be difficult to squeeze into, and the light rail usually comes by every three minutes during rush hour, and this kind of wait is unfuckingprecedented. This - without a doubt - is bad news. The good news is that the Exchange Place PATH station is a tenth of a mile away, and since it's really cold and starting to rain, I decide to not be a lazy bastard. I can't read my book in the rain, and the Ipod is dead. I start walking.
As I'm coming up on Exchange Place, I see a light rail train coming my way. Exchange Place has a PATH station, but it also has a light rail platform. I can get to the platform, as long as I do the Charlie Hustle thing. I have about thirty seconds (as I figure it) to run to the platform, get on the train, and totally scoop all of those fools who are waiting for the train at Harborside. Maybe I'll even get a seat!
What would you do? Me, I sprint. And I'm like L.T. here. Pedestrians, cars, everybody watch the fuck out! I'm juking left, shoulders down, sidestepping mailboxes, and leaping tall buildings. I may have done a spin move at some point. If there was a scout watching me, I would be in the NFL right now. I can't believe how quick I am, even at 30 years old. I can't figure out why I'm not famous for my speed and balance. Man alive, the kid is quick! Moving like a cross between an antelope and a snake, I get to the home stretch. Maybe 20 yards separate me and the platform, and I know I'm going to make it to the end zone even before the train stops. You know what? Fuck it, I ain't slowing down! Let's do this thing in style! When I get on the train, I'm planning on spiking my cellphone, signing it, and handing it to a commuter.
Breakneck speeds here. That's what we're talking about. Cheetahs would just watch and shake their furry heads. "I thought I was fast until I saw that dude," they'd say.
Maybe 20 feet from the platform, I stopped. I had no say in this. I didn't tell my body to stop running. As far as I knew, my legs were supposed to be pumping, but here I was, leaning on a fire hydrant for some reason. And the train is pulling up to the platform. I can't quite figure out why I'm not moving anymore.
So I look down, and I have about a nanosecond for my brain to process the fact that my right ankle is almost completely sideways, and this might hurt. You ever been in that place where you bang your shin on a table or nail your funny bone on a doorway or something and you get that serenely rational chance to estimate the pain before it hits you? It was one of those.
As I'm wondering why my body decided to override my directions, and I'm coming to the conclusion that there's a problem with my foot, something hits me. It's an incredibly bright light, and it might have been red or it might have been white, but all I know is that it was really, really bright. The light is followed by a pain that absolutely paralyzes me. I can't squinch my eyes tight enough to make the pain go away.
Did I just get hit by the train? When is this electricity in my ankle going to let up? Is that you, Grandma? Stay away from the light, Carol Anne! No, run to the light, Carol Anne! Mommy is waiting for you in the light!
Eventually, I get a grip on myself. I open my eyes just in time to see the train blow past the platform. Even through eyes squinty with pain and disappointment, I can clearly see that it says "Out of Service."
I was on my way home from work, standing at the Harborside Financial light rail platform with about 90 other people, all waiting for a train. If you've ever been on the light rail, you know the maximum capacity is somewhere near 91, maybe 92 people per car, and there's only two cars per train. With that many people waiting for a train at one station, you just gotta know there's a problem with the service. I'm done with work for the day, and I'm pretty much just happy to be going home. I decide to wait. Fuck it - I'm game, right?
...
So twenty minutes later, the platform is packed. PACKED. Sardines and all. Any train that comes along is going to be difficult to squeeze into, and the light rail usually comes by every three minutes during rush hour, and this kind of wait is unfuckingprecedented. This - without a doubt - is bad news. The good news is that the Exchange Place PATH station is a tenth of a mile away, and since it's really cold and starting to rain, I decide to not be a lazy bastard. I can't read my book in the rain, and the Ipod is dead. I start walking.
As I'm coming up on Exchange Place, I see a light rail train coming my way. Exchange Place has a PATH station, but it also has a light rail platform. I can get to the platform, as long as I do the Charlie Hustle thing. I have about thirty seconds (as I figure it) to run to the platform, get on the train, and totally scoop all of those fools who are waiting for the train at Harborside. Maybe I'll even get a seat!
What would you do? Me, I sprint. And I'm like L.T. here. Pedestrians, cars, everybody watch the fuck out! I'm juking left, shoulders down, sidestepping mailboxes, and leaping tall buildings. I may have done a spin move at some point. If there was a scout watching me, I would be in the NFL right now. I can't believe how quick I am, even at 30 years old. I can't figure out why I'm not famous for my speed and balance. Man alive, the kid is quick! Moving like a cross between an antelope and a snake, I get to the home stretch. Maybe 20 yards separate me and the platform, and I know I'm going to make it to the end zone even before the train stops. You know what? Fuck it, I ain't slowing down! Let's do this thing in style! When I get on the train, I'm planning on spiking my cellphone, signing it, and handing it to a commuter.
Breakneck speeds here. That's what we're talking about. Cheetahs would just watch and shake their furry heads. "I thought I was fast until I saw that dude," they'd say.
Maybe 20 feet from the platform, I stopped. I had no say in this. I didn't tell my body to stop running. As far as I knew, my legs were supposed to be pumping, but here I was, leaning on a fire hydrant for some reason. And the train is pulling up to the platform. I can't quite figure out why I'm not moving anymore.
So I look down, and I have about a nanosecond for my brain to process the fact that my right ankle is almost completely sideways, and this might hurt. You ever been in that place where you bang your shin on a table or nail your funny bone on a doorway or something and you get that serenely rational chance to estimate the pain before it hits you? It was one of those.
As I'm wondering why my body decided to override my directions, and I'm coming to the conclusion that there's a problem with my foot, something hits me. It's an incredibly bright light, and it might have been red or it might have been white, but all I know is that it was really, really bright. The light is followed by a pain that absolutely paralyzes me. I can't squinch my eyes tight enough to make the pain go away.
Did I just get hit by the train? When is this electricity in my ankle going to let up? Is that you, Grandma? Stay away from the light, Carol Anne! No, run to the light, Carol Anne! Mommy is waiting for you in the light!
Eventually, I get a grip on myself. I open my eyes just in time to see the train blow past the platform. Even through eyes squinty with pain and disappointment, I can clearly see that it says "Out of Service."
OLN on Cablevision. Nice.
The Rangers played another solid game last night. I guess a few days off helps. Jed O. had his best game of the year and between his efforts, Dominic Moore, and Henrik Lundqvist the Rangers killed off 10+ power plays.
The Bruins also got an important "W" last night. They needed that one after they'd developed a nasty habit of surrendering late-game leads. It wasn't the prettiest game in the world, but whatever.
My goodness, the Northeast is tight. Hopefully, Lundqvist and the boys can help you Bruins fans and Leaf fans out on Saturday by taking one from the Habs.
And please tell me you saw Spezza's game-winner in OT. That was a thing of beauty.
The Bruins also got an important "W" last night. They needed that one after they'd developed a nasty habit of surrendering late-game leads. It wasn't the prettiest game in the world, but whatever.
My goodness, the Northeast is tight. Hopefully, Lundqvist and the boys can help you Bruins fans and Leaf fans out on Saturday by taking one from the Habs.
And please tell me you saw Spezza's game-winner in OT. That was a thing of beauty.
Thursday, October 27
Caramelized Nut Tart.
Wednesday, October 26
Not to overdo the NYTimes Dining section, but this article includes a wonderful description about how to make Mint Wine. It's the seventh paragraph or sentence or whatever.
Tuesday, October 25
Shopping from your bedroom. Or get the Spazzz.
Monday, October 24
On Friday, I left work early and headed downtown to catch a soccer game. About two months ago I'd been poking around the internet and saw that my high school soccer team would be playing a game in Manhattan in late October. I'm marked the calendar and when the time came, shoved off to see the event. It took a while to find the right game, including a stop of about 10 minutes watching the wrong teams play, but I showed up just after halftime. The game, I quickly learned, was still scoreless.
I knew from looking at the websites for the schools that this would be a tough test. My team's opponent had lost only one game leading up to this match and that was against my alma mater (4-3 no less). The play was tough and chances were turned aside at both ends. Finally, with about 15 minutes remaining, my team's forward split two defensemen and made his way to the top of the box. At the last second, one of the defenders recovered and toe-poked the ball away towards the end line. Bad news for him was that his very nice, goal-saving play turned into a particularly nasty shot on goal. The forceful, low-driven "clearance" skipped just by the outstretched arms of the goalie as he dove to his right. The ball, now past the keeper, bounced off the bottom end of the left post, hit off the back of the keeper's head, and trickled into the net. 1-0.
The game would remain that way thanks to some solid defense from the good guys and due to a terrible offsides call that went against them (would have been a clear break and a rather easy second goal).
After the victory I strolled across the field to shake hands with my old coach. I hadn't seen him in ten years so needless to say he was a little shocked. And he couldn't believe the game I chose to attend. It turned out that this was not only the clinching game for their League Championship, but it guaranteed them a spot in the state tournament. Oh, and it was also his 300th career coaching victory, no small feat for a tiny high school with a coach who never even played the game.
I knew from looking at the websites for the schools that this would be a tough test. My team's opponent had lost only one game leading up to this match and that was against my alma mater (4-3 no less). The play was tough and chances were turned aside at both ends. Finally, with about 15 minutes remaining, my team's forward split two defensemen and made his way to the top of the box. At the last second, one of the defenders recovered and toe-poked the ball away towards the end line. Bad news for him was that his very nice, goal-saving play turned into a particularly nasty shot on goal. The forceful, low-driven "clearance" skipped just by the outstretched arms of the goalie as he dove to his right. The ball, now past the keeper, bounced off the bottom end of the left post, hit off the back of the keeper's head, and trickled into the net. 1-0.
The game would remain that way thanks to some solid defense from the good guys and due to a terrible offsides call that went against them (would have been a clear break and a rather easy second goal).
After the victory I strolled across the field to shake hands with my old coach. I hadn't seen him in ten years so needless to say he was a little shocked. And he couldn't believe the game I chose to attend. It turned out that this was not only the clinching game for their League Championship, but it guaranteed them a spot in the state tournament. Oh, and it was also his 300th career coaching victory, no small feat for a tiny high school with a coach who never even played the game.
Friday, October 21
Here's a great list list from McSweeney's.
Daytons on Crenshaw extended their lead in the fantasy hockey league with an impressive effort last night. We're now 16 points clear of the second place team. (80 for me, 64 for 2nd, and 62 for 3rd).
Every offensive player in the line-up last night score a goal, except for Kovalchuk.
Jagr had 3. LaCavalier had 1. Blake had 1. Gomez had 1. Dumont had 1. Brind'Amour had 1. Rucinsky had 1. And we got 8 assists to help as well. Despite the 17 points scored, DoC has a +/- of 0 for the night.
Every offensive player in the line-up last night score a goal, except for Kovalchuk.
Jagr had 3. LaCavalier had 1. Blake had 1. Gomez had 1. Dumont had 1. Brind'Amour had 1. Rucinsky had 1. And we got 8 assists to help as well. Despite the 17 points scored, DoC has a +/- of 0 for the night.
This guy is an assheadfuckknob.
Thursday, October 20
The awesomest magic trick I've ever seen.
So, I went to the game last night. It was awesome despite the end result. I honestly don't remember The Garden being like that over the last few years, even at some of the better games I went to. The place was crazy. And the game itself is better, faster, more creative.
At one point, the guys sitting behind us started chanting things about the People's Court. "Wapner Sucks," "Let's Go Hallway Guy!" and the like. Needless to say, it was just confusing at the time. I couldn't figure it out and passed it off as drunk chants.
During the second intermission, the guy sitting almost directly in front of me stands up and turns around to the group behind. He has a familiar face to be sure, but I can't place it. And then he says, "Who's bad-mouthing The People's Court back there?" It turns out he's one of the hallway reporters for the newer version of The People's Court (the one on the right). How the guys behind me knew who he was is beyond me, but a funny exchange takes place where they all agree that the Rangers rule and Wapner sucks. And for every "Potivn Sucks" whistle from there on out, "Wapner sucks" replaced the standard cheer in our little section. I'm certain this confused the crap out of anyone not within four rows of Hallway Guy, but really, I hope it catches on.
At one point, the guys sitting behind us started chanting things about the People's Court. "Wapner Sucks," "Let's Go Hallway Guy!" and the like. Needless to say, it was just confusing at the time. I couldn't figure it out and passed it off as drunk chants.
During the second intermission, the guy sitting almost directly in front of me stands up and turns around to the group behind. He has a familiar face to be sure, but I can't place it. And then he says, "Who's bad-mouthing The People's Court back there?" It turns out he's one of the hallway reporters for the newer version of The People's Court (the one on the right). How the guys behind me knew who he was is beyond me, but a funny exchange takes place where they all agree that the Rangers rule and Wapner sucks. And for every "Potivn Sucks" whistle from there on out, "Wapner sucks" replaced the standard cheer in our little section. I'm certain this confused the crap out of anyone not within four rows of Hallway Guy, but really, I hope it catches on.
Tuesday, October 18
After an incredible game from the Rangers that included a strong performance from Henrik Lundqvist, 2 goals from JJ, and 3 assists from Ruca, Daytons on Crenshaw (Hockey Version) are now temporarily in first place. Much like some other team of has-beens and never-will-bes.
Monday, October 17
At first, you kind of want to vote for this guy for governor of New Jersey, but you realize pretty quickly that you definitely don't want to vote for this guy for governor of New Jersey.
Saturday, October 15
This is a pretty bad name for a wheelchair.
Bear proof bird-feeders? Nope. (Via MeFi)
Thursday, October 13
JP, Boynton's back. And the best part is, he finally just called his agent up and told him to cut the shit.
He probably won't play on the first PP unit (Leetch and Zhamnov will probably end up as QBs there), but might end up on the second unit when he gets healthy. He's not a big scorer yet, though, so you might not be interested in picking him up. I'd be surprised if he scored ten goals. I'm betting he gets around 30-35 points, with maybe 5-10 goals, but I'd love it if he proves me wrong. He's a two-way guy, though, and not an offensive D-guy, so there are probably better options out there for you, point-wise.
Just so you know.
And I just found out my free Center Ice Preview is over. Dammit.
He probably won't play on the first PP unit (Leetch and Zhamnov will probably end up as QBs there), but might end up on the second unit when he gets healthy. He's not a big scorer yet, though, so you might not be interested in picking him up. I'd be surprised if he scored ten goals. I'm betting he gets around 30-35 points, with maybe 5-10 goals, but I'd love it if he proves me wrong. He's a two-way guy, though, and not an offensive D-guy, so there are probably better options out there for you, point-wise.
Just so you know.
And I just found out my free Center Ice Preview is over. Dammit.
Wednesday, October 12
Monday, October 10
Unless San Diego's kicker manages two field goals and an extra point tonight, I'll be 2-8 in fantasy football this year. While 7 points from a kicker is not outside the realm of possibility, it doesn't make me feel any better. My fantasy performance has sucked. And if I wasn't 5-0 in my Survivor pool and if my Skins weren't 3-1, I would be close to giving up on football this year already.
At least I managed to get in a hockey league. Daytons on Crenshaw (the hockey franchise) currently rests in third place. The tending is strong with Hasek, Giggy and DiPietro. Offensive categories are steady and looking better as Kovalchuk gets back in the mix. I've recently dropped Niinimaa (he kinda sucks), Kozlov (too many Thrashers), and Boynton (he's not playing hockey). They were replaced with Seabrook, Bochenski, and Rucinsky. Seabrook has looked awesome, but he'll be on a short leash. He's only 12 years old or something, but I've seen some Blackhawk games this year and the kid is for real. Bochenski I nabbed when I heard he was back with the big fellas (Dan "The Man... Slaughter" Heatley and Spezza) in Ottawa. And Ruca is a shooter who gets PP time.
How you fellas doing in your league?
At least I managed to get in a hockey league. Daytons on Crenshaw (the hockey franchise) currently rests in third place. The tending is strong with Hasek, Giggy and DiPietro. Offensive categories are steady and looking better as Kovalchuk gets back in the mix. I've recently dropped Niinimaa (he kinda sucks), Kozlov (too many Thrashers), and Boynton (he's not playing hockey). They were replaced with Seabrook, Bochenski, and Rucinsky. Seabrook has looked awesome, but he'll be on a short leash. He's only 12 years old or something, but I've seen some Blackhawk games this year and the kid is for real. Bochenski I nabbed when I heard he was back with the big fellas (Dan "The Man... Slaughter" Heatley and Spezza) in Ottawa. And Ruca is a shooter who gets PP time.
How you fellas doing in your league?
What's the point of even having Columbus Day anymore? No one cares and those that do, hate it. Why not just pick a day in mid-August, call it National Day Off From Stupid Job and give everyone a holiday. I'd even go to the parade.
Saturday, October 8
Hockey Update: The Rangers have three points and it's three points they really have no business having. They were out-played and less disciplined in both games, at least until late. The one characteristic this team seems to have is that they will not give up. And if I had to pick a trait, that would be high on the list. Tonight they get Jersey for the first time of eight.
The Panthers have been no joke. I've only seen a few shifts from their games, but they look solid. Two shut-outs don't lie.
Jeff Halpern will be a point scoring machine this year. Ha!
I nabbed Bochenski in my fantasy league. I emailed ESPN's correspondent who let me know when he became available (added to the ESPN list of free agents) and that he's back with Spezza and Heater for tonight's game. I've got people working for me on this thing. I'm in 8th place.
Boston looked suggish last night. They had no giddy-up, no pep, no razz-matazz, no zoom-zoom. Raycroft played well. Murray had a nice goal (typical Murray). Joe looked like Joe looks. Sammy drew some calls, but couldn't finish. Leetch made a few guys look silly skating around them, but was largely responsible for the third goal.. It was late and he pinched and missed. Anyway, good players playing poorly together. They'll get it worked out.
Should I drop Kovalchuk and Boyton?
The Panthers have been no joke. I've only seen a few shifts from their games, but they look solid. Two shut-outs don't lie.
Jeff Halpern will be a point scoring machine this year. Ha!
I nabbed Bochenski in my fantasy league. I emailed ESPN's correspondent who let me know when he became available (added to the ESPN list of free agents) and that he's back with Spezza and Heater for tonight's game. I've got people working for me on this thing. I'm in 8th place.
Boston looked suggish last night. They had no giddy-up, no pep, no razz-matazz, no zoom-zoom. Raycroft played well. Murray had a nice goal (typical Murray). Joe looked like Joe looks. Sammy drew some calls, but couldn't finish. Leetch made a few guys look silly skating around them, but was largely responsible for the third goal.. It was late and he pinched and missed. Anyway, good players playing poorly together. They'll get it worked out.
Should I drop Kovalchuk and Boyton?
Friday, October 7
Thursday, October 6
Awesome Vacation: An expedition to the hole in the North Pole that is the entrance to our hollow earth. Only $18,950 to $20,950. Reserve your spot today!
Hockey is back motherfuckers! Woo-hoo! How much fun was that?
I've got the Center Ice thing kicking and when opening night sees every team in action that means channels 771-780 are working overtime. There were too many games to choose from. Of course, I watch the Rangers mostly. That game brought about my favorite line of the day so far when the folks at HockeyBird wrote, "I'm pretty sure you can't play the puck while on the bench in any league. If you do....you must score two goals and assist on another, it's the law." Jagr sucked and then he was awesome. That's good stuff for my fantasy squad (3pts, 4 PIMS) and great stuff for the Rangers. No matter how bad they do this year, they'll always have the opening night come-from-behind win over the Flyers. The Flyers give it up from behind.
I also checked in on Pittsburgh vs. NJ. Sidney is good. Brodeur is better.
And I watched the tail end of the B's heartbreak against Montreal. The B's seemed lifeless when I was watching.
I saw most of the third period in Toronto. This was easily the game with the tightest whistles. They weren't calling half the junk that other games were seeing as penalties. That meant more hitting... which was nice, though some of it was clearly illegal. I'm glad to see Sundin's eye isn't hurt too bad. And Lindros netted a goal in his first game at home. He threw a monster hit in the third as well and got a crosscheck in the back from Chris Neil for his troubles. Of course, this game went to a shootout where Ed Belfour managed to save the one that hit him in the pad and the Leafs got zero (0) shots on goal in two attempts. Disappointing for Buds fans, I'm sure.
Woo-hoo, hockey motherfucker.
I've got the Center Ice thing kicking and when opening night sees every team in action that means channels 771-780 are working overtime. There were too many games to choose from. Of course, I watch the Rangers mostly. That game brought about my favorite line of the day so far when the folks at HockeyBird wrote, "I'm pretty sure you can't play the puck while on the bench in any league. If you do....you must score two goals and assist on another, it's the law." Jagr sucked and then he was awesome. That's good stuff for my fantasy squad (3pts, 4 PIMS) and great stuff for the Rangers. No matter how bad they do this year, they'll always have the opening night come-from-behind win over the Flyers. The Flyers give it up from behind.
I also checked in on Pittsburgh vs. NJ. Sidney is good. Brodeur is better.
And I watched the tail end of the B's heartbreak against Montreal. The B's seemed lifeless when I was watching.
I saw most of the third period in Toronto. This was easily the game with the tightest whistles. They weren't calling half the junk that other games were seeing as penalties. That meant more hitting... which was nice, though some of it was clearly illegal. I'm glad to see Sundin's eye isn't hurt too bad. And Lindros netted a goal in his first game at home. He threw a monster hit in the third as well and got a crosscheck in the back from Chris Neil for his troubles. Of course, this game went to a shootout where Ed Belfour managed to save the one that hit him in the pad and the Leafs got zero (0) shots on goal in two attempts. Disappointing for Buds fans, I'm sure.
Woo-hoo, hockey motherfucker.
Tuesday, October 4
If you're interested in doing Gold Teeth business, we have an excellent wholesale program for you.
My Lousy Predictions - The conference standing predictions are actually play-off seedings and account for division champions.
The East
1 - Tampa Bay
2 - Boston
3 - New Jersey
4 - Ottawa
5 - Florida
6 - Philadelphia
7 - Pittsburgh
9 - Atlanta
The West
1 - Detroit
2 - Calgary
3 - Anaheim
4 - Colorado
5 - San Jose
6 - Vancouver
7 - Nashville
8 - Dallas
Awards
Hart - Iginla
Vezina - Brodeur
Norris - Niedermayer
Calder - Crosby
Selke - McCauley
Byng - Richards
Adams - Carlyle
Ross - Iginla
Richard - Nash
Jennings - Brodeur
Pearson - Iginla
Postseason
Conference Finals
Calgary vs San Jose
Ottawa vs New Jersey
Stanley Cup Finals
Calgary vs Ottawa
Stanley Cup Champions
Calgary
Conn Smythe - Kiprusoff
The East
1 - Tampa Bay
2 - Boston
3 - New Jersey
4 - Ottawa
5 - Florida
6 - Philadelphia
7 - Pittsburgh
9 - Atlanta
The West
1 - Detroit
2 - Calgary
3 - Anaheim
4 - Colorado
5 - San Jose
6 - Vancouver
7 - Nashville
8 - Dallas
Awards
Hart - Iginla
Vezina - Brodeur
Norris - Niedermayer
Calder - Crosby
Selke - McCauley
Byng - Richards
Adams - Carlyle
Ross - Iginla
Richard - Nash
Jennings - Brodeur
Pearson - Iginla
Postseason
Conference Finals
Calgary vs San Jose
Ottawa vs New Jersey
Stanley Cup Finals
Calgary vs Ottawa
Stanley Cup Champions
Calgary
Conn Smythe - Kiprusoff
Saturday, October 1
Stealing First (frat band)
Tautara (emo or Slash-Metal, you make the call)
Professor Stupid (rap)
Felonious Monk (rap)
Hieronymus Bop (indie weinerdog)
TBA (any)
Bill Pullman and the Bill Paxton Experience (electronica)
Indie Weinerdog (heironymus bop)
Tautara (emo or Slash-Metal, you make the call)
Professor Stupid (rap)
Felonious Monk (rap)
Hieronymus Bop (indie weinerdog)
TBA (any)
Bill Pullman and the Bill Paxton Experience (electronica)
Indie Weinerdog (heironymus bop)
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